Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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