So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
