You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
