Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
did you just send me my own nude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
