So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize