So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
