I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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