She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
