im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
