If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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