here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
