Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
