I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
