What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
