we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found puke in my bra..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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