just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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