the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
