You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
