After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
