Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
