I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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