i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
