Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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