I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
