dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize