the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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