Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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