yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
