Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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