Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
