Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
