he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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