pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
