1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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