If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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