Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
