One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
