Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
