How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
