you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
