i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There r osticjed everywhere
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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