My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
