I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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