Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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