Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
