so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
