tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
