so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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