yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
