I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
