the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
