but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
