i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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