i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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