He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
