Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
