Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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