Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dignity is for republicans.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
