Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
