Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
