things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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