im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
