I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
