I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
