you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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