Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
